Once Upon a China Girl
by gyarulikthat2
Summary: KamuiXOC-That moment when Abuto becomes to used to the yaoi comments... ON HIATUS!
1. Ming Jiangnu Enters

**Whee~ It's a new story. This time, it's about a Chinese Empress. Thank you my world geography teacher for teaching my class and I about the Forbidden City, which immediately sparked an idea for this story. It was rushing through my brain faster than I thought possible yo! Anyway~ I hope you enjoy the first chapter.**

Once Upon The China Girl

"How many more days of this?" Escaped as a low mumbled from the mouth of Ming Jiangnu as she looked out the window to her room, head propped on her right hand. "Sure. I may be the last person of the Ming family to take the throne, but at least give me someone to talk to! They want to kill me? Fine. At least then I won't be in the Forbidden City all alone." Her slate grey eyes gleamed with annoyance whilst talking to herself, like she did everyday so far this year and until she died or there was a change in power. "If only Papa and Mom weren't killed then I wouldn't be the Empress for a freaking country. Cool life you old geezers! Leave me alone in this city that's like 720,00 miles...squared...big. Papa couldn't even give Mom some sperm to make me another sibling. Prude old fart."

Jiangnu glanced up at sun, seeing it more towards the west side of the sky, meaning it would set soon. She then decided that this would be the night she would escape from this irksome life. Then again, this wasn't her first time deciding to escape...it was the seventeenth time this month but she always gave up on it by nightfall. "No." she told herself, tearing up from staring at the sun for too long, "Tonight I will definitely get out." She told herself repeatedly, packing her pienfus tightly into one of her suitcases.

**That night**

"...I'll do it tomorrow."

**The next night**

"...Tomorrow. Tomorrow. It's only twenty-four hours away~."

**The following night**

"Tonight is the night." Jiangnu whispered to herself, peeking around the east gate, waiting for the three guards to turn their attention away from where she planned to run. 'Maybe I should do it tomorrow...' She thought to herself after awhile of the guards not moving their eyes from her escape route. No sooner had she thought that, the guards walked away to another place.

"Damn it!" She whispered, running past the gate, not caring to look back and check if the guards had seen her.

After running for who knows how long, Jiangnu reached a trading port and decided to get aboard one of the ships. To her, it didn't matter if the ship was going across the world or across the sea to Japan, as long as she was out of that boring city.

She looked down at her beige and teal pienfu, seeing it was torn and dirty from running through mostly woods. "This was my favorite one..." She silently sobbed to herself before walking down the dimly lit wooden port, examining each of the ships. She finally stopped in front a big dark grey ship, admiring the ship. She ran behind a stack of boxes when she heard people coming from the ship and looked over the top of the boxes, hoping to see what type of people owned that ship.

Jiangnu was slightly disappointed when she saw a somewhat short boy with long orange hair in a braid come from it, followed by a taller man with brown-hay colored hair and a circular man with a thick beard, but no hair. She moved from behind the boxes when she had seen the three men disappear and she ran up the ship.

The Chinese empress soon found herself lost after constantly turning corners when she saw a crew member. She quietly opened a door next to her, checking that no one was in the room and bolted into it and realized how tired she was when she fell asleep as soon as she closed the door to the empty closet.

**Next Morning**

Jiangnu woke the next morning with the same orange haired boy from the past night smiling brightly in her face, which she didn't even hesitate to scream loudly in. Even after all of her screaming, the boy continued to smile at her, not saying anything. 'Oh damn it all.' She thought, gulping silently, 'Is he going to slap me with his braid? Please no...'  
"H...hello." She finally managed after a few more moments of nothing but him smiling in her face.

The smiling boy replied back with a hello but Jiangnu couldn't understand him because he was talking in Japanese. Instead, she just gave him a blank stare, blinking repeatedly.

His smile faded and revealed sky blue eyes after a while once he realized she couldn't understand him. "Oh? So you can't understand me?" he asked in almost perfect Chinese, making Jiangnu's eyes widen.

"You can understand me!" She also asked, laying up and grabbing onto the boy's black Chinese martial art shirt.

"Can you understand Japanese?" he ignored her question, considering she ignored his question too. The Chinese girl unclasped her hands and furrowed her brows together. "No." she finally answered, acting like he just asked her if she knew the difference between a Genesis and a Mega driver.  
**…**

"LET ME DOWN YOU BASTARD! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THIS!" Jiangnu screamed at the top of her lungs in incoherent Chinese as the boy continually tried to shove her off the ship which was somehow in space

"You can't understand Japanese so you're useless to me so you might as well die." He smiled.

"...THAT MAKES NO SENSE! NOW LET ME GO!"

"But if I let you go, you'll fall into space. But then again, it's your choice." He replied with a confused smile, eventually letting her go, which was pointless since Jiangnu latched onto his left arm tightly, looking down at the vast space. "Don't...let...me go." She slowly said, shaking from her near-death experience.

"Let you go?" He repeated, smiling and shaking his arm vigorously in an attempt to get Jiangnu off of it.

"Don't you bastard! If we were back in China, you'd be dead already for being so mean to me!" She shouted, clinging tighter onto his arm.

"Why would they kill me?" He asked, still smiling and shaking his arm.

"Because I'm the empress you bastard."

"What are you doing now Captain?" Jiangnu and the boy, apparently Kamui, turned their heads back to see the hay-colored haired man who was with Kamui the night before.

"I'm having fun with this girl who snuck aboard the ship and decided to sleep in my closet Abuto." He replied with another bright smile.

"At least she came out of the closet." Abuto rubbed the back of his neck, turning to the side.

"I think my persuading her was the main reason she came out."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT! Stupid Mongolians..."

"...She also claims to be the current empress of China." Kamui said, ignoring Jiangnu's screaming in Chinese.

"TALK IN MY LANGUAGE SO I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU SHAN YU!"(Shan Yu is the leader of the group that invaded China in Mulan)

"...Some of the traders from last night did say that they heard of the Empress running away." Abuto, also ignoring her screaming, looked at the angry Chinese girl, still clutched on Kamui's arm.

Kamui peeled her Jiangnu off his arm and pulled her in front him and began speaking Chinese so she could understand "So you are the Empress?"

She nodded.

"Can you cook?"

She shook her head slowly

"You'll learn Empress." He smiled, throwing her over his shoulder and walking down the hallway and stopping in front a door, where he dropped her on the ground hard. The orange haired boy opened the door behind her, revealing a kitchen...possibly. The room was covered in black mass as is Otae had a cooking spree along with the sink being stacked high with dirty dishes.

Jiangnu slowly turned back to Kamui, who was still smiling brightly. "What..the hell is wrong with you?" she asked him.

"Be done in an hour." He said, ignoring her question and walking away.

"...How the hell am I supposed to do that? Teach me Toph!" The Chinese teenager stood and walked into the kitchen, immediately being attacked by a horrible scent. She shook her head, covering her nose with her sleeve and attempted to clean the disaster area the Harusame called their kitchen.

**Thirty Minutes Later**

She just spent half of the time she was given to cook on just washing dishes and that wasn't even all of the dishes. "Now the real challenge is...what do I cook? I've never cooked a day in my life- not even making a sandwich. Hoes be makin' me my sandwich playa." Then it came to her. She remembered her mom making a dish as a younger Jiangnu stood next to her, watching intently. Remembering, she pulled up her sleeves and quickly got to work.

**Another Thirty Minutes Later**

"Done?" Kamui smiled, sitting at his table, looking at Jiangnu, who held a single plate in her hands.

"Yes..." She replied slowly, setting the plate down in front the space captain.

"Where is the rest of the food?" the boy questioned, staring at the medium sized plate of fried rice in front of him.

"Ah...well, you see, I only had time to make that much considering I spent half of my given time cleaning up the kitchen and the rest remembering how to make this fried rice." Grey eyes looked awkwardly to the ground, scared to meet Kamui's sky blue eyes.

"Did I tell you to clean the kitchen?" The Yato boy didn't play around when it came to food. "Something of this size wouldn't be enough for my midnight snack. I expect this to be the best rice I've even eaten or... you get to have fun in space." He took a spoonful of the rice and put it in his mouth.

"Is...is it good?" Jiangnu asked, cowering behind Abuto.

Kamui widened his eyes once the fried rice entered his mouth. "This...is..."

"It's good!" the Chinese girl almost exclaimed, climbing on top of Abuto's head.

"It's...the..worst thing I've eaten up until now. I would rather eat my own throw-up that was processed by a dog then eat this ever again. Now, off to the porthole you go. Come along."

"...BUT I DON'T WANNA! ATLEAST I KNOW MY PLACE IN THE WORLD!" The female struggled from the slightly taller male's iron grip as he drug her down the hallway, despite her screaming.

"A kitchen is not your place. You would be more useful in bed."

"Hey... I like beds. Do you? I know you do. Would you like me in your bed? I know you-"

"I'll kill you." The orange haired Yato smiled.

"...I see."

"Not for long." He continued to smile.

"Then I'll just clutch my eyes and say 'I...see.' again." Anyone get the reference? No? Your loss...

"Captain maybe we should keep the girl." Both stopped their talking when Abuto's voice was heard behind them.

"Oh? Fallen in love have we?"

"No but she may be useful later on." Like hell Abuto fell in love with that foreign crazy-ass kid. He has some standards. Not a lot, but some.

"...What's he saying? I can't understand what hay-boy is saying. HEY. TELL ME SHAN YU."

"We were deciding on whether or not to keep you alive." The orange haired male answered in Chinese.

"Well...I wouldn't _mind _staying alive. But hey son, it's all your call. All. On. You." Jiangnu evenly spaced out the last three words, her grip on the Yato captain's arm getting stronger by each word. Of course, it didn't hurt Kamui.

"..."

"LET ME STAY ALIVE!"

"Very well." Kamui sighed, turning to Abuto, "Arrange for someone to teach her Japanese so she will be more useful. Otherwise I'll be forced to use her as a punching bag."

"I'll be your punch bag any day..." The Chinese girl smiled, nudging the slightly taller boy in the arm.

"Good. You start tomorrow." He replied with a bright smile, walking away, Abuto close behind him.

"W-Well wait! I was kidding! I don't even know what a punching bag does!"

**Whee~ I finally finished this story after having it on my computer for about five or so months. GO ME. Please favorite and review. Even if it's just, "Update soon please," I will appreciate it since it let's me know you want me to update~ Thank you in advance~.**


	2. Lessons can be fun

**Thank you everyone for the nice reviews :D I appreciate that you took the time for it, whether it was sixty-nine lines long or three words long. Now~**

**Me: KAMUI!**

**Random people: BE BOP!**

**Kamui: What?**

**Me: Hey I just met you, and this is awesome~, but I'm writing a story with you, so disclaimer maybe?**

**Kamui: You can't sing. Gintama belongs to Hideaki Sorachi the only thing the author claims is Ming Jiangnu and her lame jokes.**

**Me: Just for that you get weird names in this chapter.**

Once Upon A China Girl

"So Cowmui. What does a punching bag do?" Jiangnu questioned, walked along side Kamui. In the time since she had been allowed to live, the Chinese girl had become glued his side, sleeping in his closet every night as if it was the normal thing to do.

"You help me train. All you need to do is just stand there while I shoot bullets at you and punch and or kick you. It's simple isn't it?" Kamui stated, not looking at the black haired girl. He didn't mind when Jiangnu was next to him, as long as she was being quiet. It was a miracle for him to get sleep at night with her screaming nonstop from his closet, obviously having nightmares. 'Maybe I should stick something over her mouth so she'll shut up.' He thought to himself, 'No she'd probably continue talking and it would eventually fall off.'

"Yes. I could do something like that in my sleep."

"You mean you'll be screaming a lot?" The orange haired Yato smiled."By the way, how are your Japanese lessons? Is Ungyou teaching you properly?"

"Yes. Very...VERY properly"

**Later that day**

"How do you say 'Happy' in Japanese?" Ungyo asked Jiangnu, testing to see if she could remember some words.

"_Ecchi._" The Empress quickly responded with a straight face.

"...No."

"_Shinu?_" She tried once more, this time using the Japanese word for 'die.'

"Not quite." Close enough for the brutal Harusame.

"Oh. I got this. _Yaoi._"

"It's _Shiawasena. _Got it?" He answered, finally giving up on that question.

"Yaoi seems like it would mean happiness more. Just saying,"

"Okay. Love?"

"BUT WE JUST MET! MY FEELINGS AREN'T LIKE HIGH SCHOOLERS AND MIDDLE SCHOOLERS! I WON'T SAY I LOVE YOU AFTER A FEW SECONDS!"

"What is the Japanese word for love?" Ungyo sighed at the misunderstanding girl.

"Oh~. _Renai_, _ai_, or _suki_."

"Good job."

"Ungyo-sensei. I have a question." Jiangnu waved her arm back and forth in the arm until her 'teacher' called on her.

"What is it?"

"Does POWmui dye is hair? If so, someone should tell him his roots are starting to show..." It's not like she was staring at his hair all hours of the day, just the roots were so obvious since he had that beautiful orange hair and his roots were just like BAM- Black and shit.

"His hair is naturally black if I remember correctly."

"Do you want his babies?"

"No."

"Does Abuto-nii-sama want his babies?" Why she added 'nii-sama' at the end of Abuto's name shall never be known. She hadn't exactly become close to vice-captain, mainly because he scared her immensely. Maybe it was due to the fact that he saved Jiangnu's life twice...in one chapter.

"Most likely." Ungyo replied, creating an awkward silence between the two.

"You know...I'm on my period." The girl stated, in attempt to dispel the uncomfortable air.

"Today's lesson is done. You may leave now."

"Aye sir!" Jiangnu saluted the Yato male, standing and leaving the room.

"Your classes are done?" Kamui's voice made the Chinese girl quickly turn behind herself to see him smiling at her.

"Ah. Yes. Ungyo-san dismissed me after I told him I was on my period."

"I see." The young captain replied, still smiling.

"Or do you really? Since ,at the moment, your eyes are closed..."

"Just because I said 'I see' doesn't mean I have to see it literally."

"So even blind people can say that?"

"Yes. But I would make fun of them."

"Me too Kam-Kam." Jinagnu patted the taller male's right shoulder slowly, "By the way..."

"What?" Kamui looked down at the black haired girl who looked at him with concern.

"Your roots are showing," She pointed to his black roots, which faded into the bright orange hair color.

"I know." Bitch why are you going to pour salt on that wound?

"...Need me to buy you some more hair dye?" She offered with a smile.

"I'm fine."

"Oh...I just wanted you to know, I'm here for you. Literally since, I sleep in your closet every night."

"That reminds me: We have an empty room across the ship from mine that will be your room."

"But I like being in the closet at night..." Jiangnu pouted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Too bad. But I made sure the room was right next to Abuto's." Better him have sleepless nights than Kamui.

"If I scream will you come to my rescue?"

"Of course not."

"Okay..."

* * *

"NII-SAMA! I'M SCARED! AN ALIEN JUST ASKED ME IF I WAS HBO POSITIVE!" That night, Jiangnu's screams and pounding on Abuto's door woke him up. Slowly, he made his was from his bed to the entrance, which he opened and saw the Chinese Empress, tears brimming in her eyes. "I THOUGHT YOU DIED!" she screamed, clinging to Abuto's waist.

'The Captain thought this would happen. That's why he put her in that closet next to my room.' The vice-captain sighed, removing the younger girl's hands from his waist. "As you can see, I'm alive. Those Amanto were just messing with you. And it's HIV positive."

"Oh~ that makes sense." Jiangnu replied, walking into the Yataro's room and sitting on his bed. "Come on in Abuto-nii-sama." She patted on the side of the bed, keeping intense eye contact with him.

"I'm fine right here." Abuto replied, not moving from infront of his door. "What do you want?"

"Tell me about Gluttonmui." The China girl answered without hesitation.

Once more, Abuto sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with his only hand. Where should he begin? **(AN: No really. Where should he begin?)** "He's the captain of the seventh Space Pirates Harusame squad, which is a very notorious Amanto crime syndicate. Yes Ming?"

"What is an Amanto and what does syndicate mean?" Jiangnu asked, pulling out a random note pad and pen.

"An Amanto is an alien- What I am, along with everyone on the ship-"

"Am I an Amanto, Nii-sama?"

"A syndicate is a group of individuals or organizations combined or making a joint effort to undertake some specific duty or carry out specific transactions or negotiations."

"Oh..." 'Fine then. Ignore me!'

For the next hour or so, the two talked about Amanto and Kamui-related things, Abuto remaining in his spot near the door, Jiangnu getting more and more comfortable on his bed.

"If you fall asleep on my bed, I'll throw out all of the food and blame it on you."

"You conniving bastard..." He heard her softly murmur before falling back, her head meeting one of the three big pillows at the head of his bed.

"Oi! I just said don't fall asleep!"

* * *

The next morning, Jiangnu woke with a start, immediately sitting up from the bed, "I'm sorry Abuto-nii-sama! I accidentally fell asleep on your bed after you told me not to! I will take responsibility for any disease I may receive now."

"Hn. It's fine. I've slept on the floor before." Ohonhonhon. How would you like us to take that Abuto?

**(AN: What? Did you expect Abuto to get in bed with Jiangnu? He's only a pedophile for Kamui people...Get real.)**

"Jiangnu~." The door flew open, hitting Abuto hard on the head. "Abuto. You shouldn't be sleeping on the floor. It's bad for your back.(Which I already messed up enough.)" Kamui smiled, looking down at his Vice-captain.

"How'd you know Ming was in here Captain?"

"I told her you said it was okay to come here every night." He gave a smile, walking towards the bed and roughly grabbing the Chinese girl's thin arms and pulling her back towards the door.

"I'll be back later Nii-sama."

"Don't."

"Um, Communist, where are we going? Are you angry that I was with your bitch last night? I promised I didn't do anything to him. Unless, you want me to warm him up for you." Jiangnu stated as Kamui dragged her down the hallway.

"Don't worry. I just look at him and he's warmed up."

"...Teach me how to do that."

"You have to dye your hair and put it in a braid."

"Share your hair dye."

"Buy your own."

"...Where!" Cue a 'Haha~.' smile from the taller boy.

"Get in and get undressed." Kamui ordered, opening his door and walking in.

"But...you have Abuto. Why would you ruin that trust you two have worked-"

"Get undressed and put this on." He finished, throwing a pair of clothes similar to what he was wearing at the confused girl.

"That I can do." She smiled, taking off her beige pienfu she had worn ever since she came aboard the ship.

After she had finished dressing herself in Kamui's clothes, she looked at him, who had watched her change...the entire time, with a smile plastered on his face. "These clothes are too big on me. Don't you have a smaller size?" She asked, flapping the long sleeves in front of the captain's face.

"You'll grow into it. My size is the closets to your own most likely." It was true. Have you seen any of the other Amanto on the ship? They were giants.

"But can't I cut the sleeves so they aren't so long?"

"Do it and I'll kill you."

"Man..."

"Do you have any experience with weapons?" Kamui decided it would be best to change the subject before he tried to kill her again.

"Mother taught me how to play the castanets."

"Any actual weapons you could kill someone with?"

"Mother taught me how to sing." Jiangnu's mother was a musical genius, unlike her offspring.

'Deafening an enemy could help.' "When I say weapon, I mean sword, gun, something like that." He tried for a third time, still smiling.

"Oh~. Father said the Ming family had famous spear users in our blood, if that counts..." The Chinese girl laughed, easily remembering her family history.

"We may have a spear or two in our weapon room." Kamui thought for a second.

"My family had a weapon room in our old home."

"Is that so?"

"It is so...a lie~ Ohohoho I so funny."

"You are far from funny." Kamui stated with his usual smile.

"Your mom thinks I'm funny!" The girl 'smartly' replied, feeling like a boss.

"I killed my mom." Moment ruined.

"...That smile she had while you were killing her? She remembered a joke I told her."

"I was the one with a smile on my face."

"Damn it..." He had the best comebacks...

"You're basically done with your Japanese lessons right?"

"Hai. I'm done desu desu."

"Good enough. Tomorrow you will start training with a spear so you'll be more useful and you being my punching bag will be more entertaining. Got it?"

"Roger!"

"Of course, Abuto will help you train. He's the best at training." Abuto's misery just keeps on continuing.

"Are you sure? Maybe we should let Abuto-nii-sama decide if he wants to help or not." It was natural Jiangnu noticed she was bothering Abuto.

"What are you talking about Empress? Your Nii-sama was the one who suggested training." Bullshit bullshit bullshit.

"Ah Nii-sama~ I'm no longer scared of you."

Kamui loved how well things went for him.

Meanwhile

"I feel like something bad is coming." Abuto said to himself, glancing around his room, expecting something to jump out and attack him.

**Me: Whee~ Kamui! I make you suck in this chapter.**

**Kamui: On the contrary, Abuto is the one who sucks.**

**Me: Ohonhonhon. I see what you did there. UKE. DO THE BEGGING.**

**Abuto: -sigh- Please favorite and review. Even a small review is welcome.**

**Me: -tear- I love you Uke.**

**Kamui: I love my uke too. (^o^)**


	3. Some things should be done yourself

**Hi guys~ For the reviews for the previous chapter, thank you for taking your time to write them. Especially you, you're review made me blush ^/^ Apparently, everyone's favorite part was the Japanese lessons whereas mine was when Jiangnu went crying to Abuto.**

**Me: Chapter three~ You know what they say about the number three...have sex with me.**

**Kamui: Abuto~ I have a job for you.**

**Jiangnu: I could do the job you know...**

**Me: No. I'd rather become a robot. Be bop Kamui-kun. Disclaimer.**

**Kamui: Gintama is owned by Hideaki Sorachi. The author takes claim to only her Chinese character and very true yaoi jokes.**

**Me: I KNEW IT WAS TRUE! Now, Let's all count how many Kamui/Abuto comments are made!**

* * *

Once Upon A China Girl

"Abuto-nii-sama. Please be as rough with me as Kamui was for you!"(1) Jiangnu stood in front Abuto, spear in her hand.

"How many more comments of the captain and myself are you going to make?" The annoyed vice-captain asked, holding his dull green umbrella in his right hand.

"How many times did Kamui do inappropriate things to you?"(2) The Chinese girl countered, a sly smile on her face.

"Zero times." The older man replied bluntly.

"That's not what Kamui said!"

"Because he's an idiot."

"...I gotta HAND it to you. That was ONE ARM of a comeback." An idiotic grin was plastered on the younger girl's face.

"The last sentence made no sense Ming." The dull blonde man sighed, bringing his hand to his face.

"Your-"

"You use a your mom joke and I will shoot you with my umbrella." Abuto cut off, pointing his umbrella straight at the shorter girl's face.

"Someone has horrible mother memories~." Jiangnu sang to herself, turning away.

"I heard that."

"Wao. So cool Nii-sama." Once more, the empress brought her spear, about the same length as her body, in front of herself, "Now, we dance." she smiled, signaling for their training to continue.

"I feel like I'm-a gonna die!" Jiangnu fell down, laying back on the cold floor, panting hard.

"It's pathetic that you're already worn out from training for just a little while." Abuto scoffed, looking to the side.

"You're just used to training since you've been training since you were a little kid which was like a million years ago." she whined, looking at the older male.

"Haa? I'm not that old, kid."

"You lie!"

"Okay. I'm a liar. Training is over for today. Go be a leech to the Captain."

"Eh? But I'm still raring to go Nii-sama." said in a monotone voice.

Abuto clicked his tongue, "And you call me a liar."

* * *

"And so Abuto called you a liar because you wanted to continue training?" Kamui repeated later that day after the Chinese girl told him of the events earlier. Kamui couldn't care less about her problems, but he still listened since he was bored out of his mind.

"Uh huh! And right after he lied about him not being a million years old." Jiangnu whined, flapping her long black sleeves, facing the taller boy.

"He is pretty old.."

"I know, huh?"

"I'm surprised that he actually agreed to helping you train." The boy quietly added to himself.

"Huh? But didn't Abuto-nii-sama offer to do it?" Jiangnu asked, hearing his statement.

"Yep. That's what I meant." Kamui lied through his usual bright smile.

"Oh! That makes sense Kamui Gackpoid."

"While we're on the subject—"

"Wait what was the subject? I wasn't really listening."

"Abuto, Ungyo, and myself are going to be leaving for awhile. The Harusame Admiral wants to speak to me."

"Can I go?"

"If you go, I can't guarantee I'll bring you back."

"...I'll wait here then." Even if she'd only been on the ship for a short time, she'd become attached to everyone on the ship, especially her closet. "Ah. But then who is going to help me train with Nii-sama gone?"

Kamui sighed and put his arm on Jiangnu's small shoulder, "It's time you learn to do things by yourself. That includes training and other things that shouldn't be said in this type of story."

"Come now good sir. You surely can help me with the latter issue."

"Yes I can. But not even MacGyver would explore that forever unexplored land."

"Damn it..."

"Make sure to eat all of your vegetables while I'm gone or I will punish you when we return." Kamui ordered with a smile.

"Can I ask when you turned into my father?" Jiangnu asked, eying the taller male suspiciously.

"I just dislike when food is wasted."

"I hate it too Kaname." Jiangnu said reassuringly. "So when are the two of you leaving? Shall I prepare a feast for you?"

"I've already told you-"

"I know, I know. If I go into the kitchen ever again, I will be shot on sight." She cut off, sighing. If she was just able to practice cooking, surely she would get better at it. She believed that Kamui would allow her to practice, until a couple nights back when she had went there and Kamui appeared out of no where and began trying to shoot her. She never even walks past the kitchen anymore, just eats in her closet with contempt.

"As long as you know~." He smiled, turning away from her.

* * *

Just as Abuto was about to fall asleep, Jiangnu walked straight into his room and sat on the end of his bed, her arms wrapped around her pillow. 'I really need to start locking my door.' "What do you want Ming?"

"Why are you, Ungyo-san, and Kiba leaving me for the Admiral?" She asked furrowing her brows together.

"We're not leaving you." He answered, sitting up slowly.

"You lie...again!" The Chinese girl countered, pointing her index finger at the older male.

"It's not like we're never coming back. We'll be back eventually." Wait a minute. Why the hell was Abuto trying to convince that crazy girl that they would return at some point? 'Ah. To shut her up and make her leave.'

"But the Amanto still scare me Nii-sama." Jiangnu whined with a pouting face.

"They aren't going to hurt you." The vice-captain reassured, scratching his hay-colored hair.

"How do you know that!?" She countered, hitting her left fist on the bed.

Abuto sighed. "Because you're always around me, the Captain, and Ungyo that the others know no to mess with you."

"Oh. So you three are basically like my three brothers that will jump anyone who fucks with me? Cool beans man." The black haired girl questioned.

"None of us are your brothers so don't think of us like that."

"Onii-tan. Can I sleep with you tonight since-" Said in a 'cutesy' voice as she batted her lashes.

"Not a chance." Abuto cut off before she could finish.

"Too bad. I'm tired." Jiangnu stated, falling over on his bed and quickly going to her dream land.

"Every time." Abuto angrily said to himself before getting off his bed and laying on a soft spot on his floor. Every single night, Jiangnu came into his room and talked to him about things he couldn't care about and eventually fell asleep with him yelling at her to go to her own closet and sleep.

But maybe because of her always entering his room at night he found himself warming up to her and didn't find her as annoying as he did at the beginning. No, he hasn't warmed up to her in the pedophilia way, nor in the big brother way. More of the 'Not wanting to kill myself every time she appeared.' Still, it was incredibly hard to not feel like a pedophile with a seventeen-or-so year old in your bed, even if you aren't in the bed with her. 'I'm going to Hell for this.' Who was Abuto kidding? He was going to Hell either way.

**A couple days later**

"BLAST OFF!" Jiangnu screamed in English as she watched Kamui, Abuto, and Ungyo board the Admiral's ship.**(AN: Oh Sengoku Basara reference, how I love thee~.)**

Once the two were out of sight, the Chinese girl turned to the Amanto behind her and stated, "Alright guys, as you know, I'm in charge until they get back." Cue nods and agreement sounds, "No guys, I'm serious. Kawahira said that I could be in charge." More understanding gestures, "Fine! I was lying. Damn it I can't do nothing around here!" She finally admitted before storming away from the group of now confused aliens.

"Only a minute or so and I'm already lonely." Jiangnu whined to herself, walking down the hallway, "Now there's no one to talk to for the time being. I guess I'll just talk to myself. Unless..." she glanced next to her where two Amanto stood, talking to each other. "You two. Become my bitches."

Both glared at her and the lizard-looking one spoke up, "What the hell? Why should we do something like that?"

"Wait a minute Gero. She's the Captain's girl." The other Amanto, a lion-looking one, interrupted.

"The one who's always up his butt?" Gero asked, glancing from the other Amanto to the Chinese girl.

"You know it~." Jiangnu happily cut in. "Now, what are your names?"

"My name is Gero and his name is Raion." Gero stated, pointing from himself to the lion.

"I see...MAKE ME FOOD."

"Huh? You're a woman so you should make us food." Raion snapped, eying the shorter girl.

"But Kasuka will shoot me if I go in the kitchen. Even if he isn't here, he'll send a bullet through space and make it go through my brain and it would be all...your..fault."

"Oh..."

"So you'll make me food?"

"It seems like we don't have a choice..." Raion sighed, looking at his friend, who nodded back to him.

"Man I'm awesome. Make me some tea too."

"Don't press your luck."

"I'll make Abuto-nii-sama beat you up. Uh huh. He said he would if anyone messed with me while they were gone."

"...Green tea?"

"Of course~." Once the two walked off towards the kitchen, China girl began laughing to herself. 'Damn. I just found my power: use my closeness to Katsura, Abuto, and Ungyo to my advantage and make the Amanto my bitches.' She caught other aliens staring at her from across the hallway and ordered, "You three! Rub my feet since I'm in charge and Kaa-chan will beat you up if you don't listen to me!"

"Okay..."

'I'm amazing. I'm even the Empress on this ship of aliens!' Jiangnu thought happily as the amanto began rubbing her feet.

"Let's get something straight first, girl." One of the aliens spoke up with a glare, "We're only being nice to you because the Captain and Vice-captain told us to."

"...What? Nii-sama and Kagura told you all to be nice to me?" Jiangnu's slate grey eyes widened in surprise. Why would they tell them to be nice to her?

"Yeah. They told us when you were asleep in the Vice-Captain's room." The same Amanto replied, still rubbing her feet.

"By the way...are you an the Vice-captain...togeth-" One of the others tried to ask, but was cut of by the Empress.

"No."

"But-"

"I SAY NO!" She yelled, shutting him up. Jiangnu sighed, "Why would them tell you to be nice to me?"

"Well wouldn't that be because-" The first one attempted to answer.

"WHY!?" She screamed, shaking him back and forth.

"Well if you would let me finish I could answer you! They probably said that because if you got beat up by us, you would complain to them nonstop about it." He yelled, getting in the girl's face.

"THAT, or they may really care about you and don't want you to get hurt." The third Amanto offered with hopeful eyes.

"Like hell that's true." Jiangnu stated, throwing her head back and laughing happily. 'But I'm still happy that they told everyone to be nice to me. Maybe I should make it easier on everyone else and be nice back.'

"Bitch please. WHERE'S MY FOOD YOU WORTHLESS SCUM!?"

* * *

**Me: Is it bad that I'm proud of this chapter?**

**Kamui: Yes it is very bad since you made it seem like I actually care about Jiangnu.**

**Me: Ah...I should have made more of Ungyo in this chapter.**

**Kamui: You should have made more of me and less of the useless China Girl.**

**Me: Of course(not). Anyway, everyone's favorite small-eyed creep comes in next chapter with another OC of mine...Yeah. BEGGAR!**

**Abuto: *sigh* Please favorite and review. Even if it's a short review, the author with appreciate it.**

**Me: YOU'RE THE BEST UKE.**

**Abuto: We're still continuing this?**

**Kamui: Of course.**


	4. Beware of the cyclops

**Thank you as always for the reviews everyone~ Especially you Gabby/Totoro504.**

**Me: Takasugi-sama~ It's your time to shine!**

**Takasugi: Idiot. My time to shine is chapter seven.**

**Ryoko: And mine also.**

**Takasugi and I: *scoff***

**Ryoko: Kamui. Do the** **disclaimer while I kill these two.**

**Kamui: Gintama is owned by Hideaki Sorachi. The author takes claim to only her original characters and jokes.**

Once Upon A China Girl

The next morning, Jiangnu woke herself, stretching her arms above her head. "Ah~ Abuto-nii-sama's bed is so comfortable. I'll never understand why you don't sleep in your bed and push me out." Maybe because he actually had the decency that she lacked? "Raion. Bring me my food before I roast and eat you like a boss."

"...Understood." Raion unhappily said, walking towards the door, but then stopping, "Oh yeah, the Vice-captain and Ungyo came back last night."

"Eh? Really? Then why didn't he come see me?"

"Because he has common sense."

"I'll ignore that since I'm so nice and I have a giant heart." Jiangnu sighed, sliding out of the bed and towards the door, which Raion stood in front of. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? Move before I take your clothes and you're forced to walk around naked."

"Are you sure you should go see him?"

"Raion, let's be serious here. I definitely not go see Nii-sama, but I still am going to. Now move."

A smile played on the Amanto's face before he ordered, "Make me move."

"I GOT THEM MOVES LIKE JAGGER!" Jiangnu sang whilst furiously trying to move the bigger man, who just stood there. 'Alright. Time for my secret weapon.' She thought, before stating, "You know, Tim proposed to Bubz."

"Did she say yes!?"

"Of course~."

"Oh my gosh! Show my the rock!"

"Will do." Jiangnu smiled, picking up a giant rock from the side of the bed and hurling it at the lion-amanto. (Why it was there, no one will know.) "You fall, I laugh." She laughed, walking past the body now on the ground and going through the door.

A few minutes later, she had found Abuto in the control room. Jiangnu leaned up against the door frame, hitting her shoulder hard on it by accident, which made everyone in the room look at her. "It's been awhile, Abuto-nii-sama. You doing okay?" Last three words said in slightly horrid English.

"Ming. You just learned Japanese so don't try to teach yourself another language." He ordered, shaking his head as the thought of how nice it was when he was away from her.

"Yeah. Burning soul." Said once more in English.

"Troublesome." Abuto countered, also in English.

"Have a party!"

"While the two of you are having a party, we'll be carrying out the Captain's orders." One of the Yato men snapped from his seat at the front of the room.

"Hmm? What was Kanata's order?" Jiangnu asked, looking up at at Abuto.

"Take out Admiral Ahou." He answered, sighing and walking back to the front of the room.

"I take it they did something to make you mad?" She followed behind him, still pestering him.

"Not me. But obviously the Captain has something up his sleeves."

"Nii-sama, I have something up my sleeves...ARMS." She laughed, pushing her short arms from the long sleeves.

"Ming get out. We're having a serious moment here and you tend to ruin it." Abuto sighed, turning to the girl.

"So do it." She countered in English once more.

"Vice-captain please look at this." Another Yato man ordered, looking out in front of them, which was a pirate-looking ship followed by other ships. Harusame ships.

"Oh. Did I miss a message or something?" Abuto chuckled to himself, looking at the ships.

"What's wrong Nii-sama?" Jiangnu questioned, moving to his side and looking at the same direction as the men.

"No one told me we were up against such a huge family." He said to himself, ignoring her question.

"Onii-tan, are we going to die?" She asked, slightly tugging on his sleeve, looking up to him.

"Ming why don't you get out? It's best to let us handle this, so go."

"Fuck no bitch." Jiangnu replied blandly, shaking her hand at him. "Nii-sama, I'm now a part a this squad as-"

"No you aren't." Many Yato cut off together.

"I am now a part of this squad as much as you all are, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! YEAH. SUCK ON THOSE GINTAMAS!" She look back to Abuto who was still staring at the other Harusame ships. "Is that okay with you Abuto-nii-sama?"

"If you die, it's your own fault." He sighed, not changing his line of vision.

"Alright guys, you heard him! I'm in charge!" She yelled, facing the other Yato in the room.

"I never said that."

"...I will kill myself. I'll do it right now, slit my throat with a spoon." She bluntly threatened, looking at him.

"I definitely did not say that."

"ALRIGHT! SOMEONE GIVE ME A SPOON." Jiangnu screamed, throwing her hands up. Immediately, spoons appeared in hands pointed toward the girl. "No guys, this is when you say, 'Noo! Don't kill yourself!' and not give me spoons. Besides, why do you all have spoons with you?" The girl released a loud gasp before asking, "Is it pudding day? Why didn't you tell me Nii-sama!? WHY!?" She cried, clinging to the older man's chest.

"Oi. You're grabbing into my skin! Get off."

"NO! YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE ME AGAIN FOR KAMUI!"

"I'm not going to leave you! And you FINALLY got his name right."

"So even when you go to the bathroom you won't leave?"

'What the hell did I just say?' "I was saying that to get you to shut up." Abuto admitted, sighing.

"...So you lied to me? Again?" Jiangnu questioned, looking up to him.

"I'm like your big brother, I lie to you all the time." Processing...

"I KNEW IT! YOU ARE MY BIG BROTHER!"

"Vice-captain maybe you should just stop talking..." One recommended, laughing awkwardly. Best idea ever.

Abuto rubbed the back of his head before ordering, "Begin shooting." as he returned to look at the still ships.

"Yes sir!" Everyone answered, beginning to shoot the other ships.

"Wow. It's like a laser show. Nope never mind. Now they're shooting back." Jiangnu admired as she watching laser beams shot back and forth. After a while, she turned away, placing her hand Abuto's shoulder before stating, "This is less interesting than I anticipated. I'm going back to sleep." And with that she walked back to Abuto's room and quickly fell asleep.

"That girl is good for nothing."

* * *

Two days had passed since that time and news had passed through out the ship that Kamui was going to be executed by the admiral. Jiangnu's reaction? "Can I have his room then?"

Even though that, she was still along side the entire seventh division aboard the Admiral's ship, prepared to crash the execution.

"Vice-captain." One of the Yato spoke, coming from behind the older man, "Are you sure we should have brought her with us?"

"If we had left her she would have destroyed the ship." Abuto scoffed, walking ahead of him.

"I can hear you." Jiangnu clutched her black spear as she walked between Ungyo and Abuto.

"That was a given."

"Nii-sama, are we going to kill people?"

"Not people- Amanto. Why? Are you scared of killing?" Ungyo cut in, eying the smaller girl cautiously.

"I love killing. I got a high score on Mortal Kombat." Jiangnu replied with a big smile.

"You have no innocence, do you?" Abuto asked, not looking at her.

"I'm still a virgin and I've never smoked or done drugs...and I still have both of my arms." Cue slight snickering from the men behind them.

Abuto sighed, bringing his hand to his forehead. Sometimes he regrets saving Jiangnu those two times. 'Eventually the Captain will get tired of her and try to kill her again and this time, I won't save her.' He decided to himself, nodding his head.

The large group stopped walking when they came to a wall which yelling could be heard from. Jiangnu looked up to the vice-captain with a straight face. "Really? Are we really going to bust through this wall when there's a door a couple feet down there? Are you trying to be like Grimmjow? I know you are because he only had one arm too!" The girl then began laughing furiously at her lame joke.

"Oi. Someone shoot her now." Abuto ordered as he felt his patience becoming more and more thin by the second he was around the laughing girl.

"Oh calm down Nii-sama. Twas just a joke to loosen the tension which worked, I daresay."

"Of course." The blonde-haired man replied after a while as he aimed his umbrella at the wall in front of him, the other men of the squad doing the same. Since she didn't want to feel left out, Jiangnu also pointed her spear at the bare facade, but screamed at the top of her lungs when everyone began shooting and created a giant hole in the wall, which everyone ran through.

"Oh? I rowed out here because I was worried but you're doing better than usual. Blockhead." Abuto smiled as he quickly found his leader through the madness, seeing as Kamui was the one partly causing the commotion.

"I kill you~.I kills you~ and I kill you~." Jiangnu sang as she pierced her halberd **(AN: :D New word~.) **through Amanto who were busy fighting others.

"Make sure you don't kill any of the men on our team Ming." Abuto ordered as he was busy fighting others, not noticing that the Chinese girl had just stabbed one of the Yato in the chest by accident.

"...Of course Nii-sama." She quietly replied as she shoved the man off of her spear and kicked the body to the side.

"Oi. I saw that." The vice-captain stated as he quickly glanced back at the girl.

"I love you?"

* * *

"Kanra! Kanra!" Jiangnu screamed the wrong name as she spotted Kamui after a few minutes of looking. She stopped her screaming when she noted he was with a man in a purple and gold kimono and his left eye bandaged, along with a woman dressed in a pink pirate outfit next to him with teal hair to the middle of her back and amphibian ears. Jiangnu looked back to the captain and whispered, "If they're trying to kill you, whip your hair back and forth."

"There's nothing to worry about so come over here." Kamui smiled at her as he ordered her to come to his side, which she did.

"Who's the brat?" Takasugi Shinsuke asked, his olive green eye boring into the smaller girl.

"The Empress of China who snuck aboard my ship, Ming Jiangnu." Kamui replied while Jiangnu quickly hid behind him, staring at Takasugi.

"Oi. Takasugi, I think she's scared of you." The woman slightly laughed as her dark blue eyes examined the younger girl.

"I don't care, idiot." Yeah! Takasugi Shinsuke's emotions were in his left eye. When he lost his eye, he went all Ulquiorra and lost his emotions.

"I've had nightmares of a cyclops eating me the past few nights. Kyoko-chan help me." Jiangnu said, looking up to Kamui. The Amanto woman next to Takasugi then began to laugh hysterically.

"Takasugi was called a cyclops! Even though instead of having one giant eye he has one tiny eye." She managed between laughs.

"I threw out all of your tampons." The band wit chief stated, glaring and the laughing female.

"That's fine baby, I'll just bleed on all of your rainbow kimonos." She quickly countered back, flinging an arm over Takasugi's shoulder, only to be roughly pushed away.

"I feel disgusting when you call me 'baby.' Call me that again and I'll shove my-"

"My name is Ming Jiangnu. Nice to meet you." Jiangnu interrupted, not wanting to hear the rest of the sentence.

"Ah. My name is Kusuru Ryoko and I'm basically the cyclops's bitch and have been forever." The teal haired woman smiled before glaring back at Takasugi, "So what are you going to shove where?"

"You'll find out soon."

"I am so scared." Ryoko said in a monotone voice even though she was genuinely scared for her life.

"So Takasugi-chama, how did you lose your left eye?" The Chinese pondered, staring at his bandaged eye.

"I lost it because a certain Amanto couldn't fight for herself at that time." Takasugi answered as

he spared a death glare at Ryoko who looked to the side and began laughing awkwardly.

"I knew Kakasugi was a girl." Jiangnu stated to herself, looking to the ground.

"I'm still more useful than you Jiangnu." Kamui smiled, looking at the shorter girl.

"How right you are."

* * *

**Me: Ohonhonhonhon I am so awesome.**

**Kamui: Of course you are.**

**Me:...You said that in such a genuine way but I can't believe you.**

**Abuto: You shouldn't.**

**Me: I see...**

**Takasugi: Why are you giving me that idiotic smile? **

**Me: I just loved you in that fake movie trailer.**

**Kamui: While Takasugi is busy killing the author, I will speak for her. Her updates may be later than she would like since she has started school again. What was everyone's favorite part? I liked when Jiangnu killed that Yato since he ate my food one day. Burn in hell. Abuto~.**

**Abuto: Please favorite and review. Even if it a small review, the author will appreciate that you took time out to write it.**

**Me: To make up for my soon-to-be-uploading late, here is four random lines from future chapters:**

"Because I also like Jiangnu."

"So...I'm pregnant, Kamui."

"You're my woman now."

"But I don't want to be..."

**...I am a facking genius.**


	5. Being Sick is fun for no one

**Did everyone have a good week? I know I did after reading all of your nice reviews~. Since I am so~ nice, I'll spoil those four lines from chapter four:**

"Because I also like Jiangnu." **In Chapter 12**

"So...I'm pregnant Kamui." **In Chapter 10**

"You're my woman now." + "But I don't want to be..." **In** **Chapter 7**

**Look forward to them~.**

**Kamui: I wonder who says what.**

**Me: Well...Jiangnu says line two.**

**Kamui: Oh? So she's pregnant with my child?**

**Me: Yep.**

**Kamui: That's impossible. I would never try to make a child with someone who can't even cook.**

**Me:...Oh.**

**Kamui: Gintama is owned by Hideaki Sorachi. The author, who is sulking in a corner now, claims her two original characters and jokes only. **

Once Upon A China Girl

Lately, Ming Jiangnu has been feeling weird...because she has a fever.

"39.5 degrees." Abuto read from the thermometer before looking at the sick girl. "How did you even get a fever?" **(AN: The temperature is in Celsius.)**

"I don't know Nii-sama! I was a perfect angel so I don't deserve to get sick." Jiangnu whined before coughing furiously into the older man's pillow.

"You killed one of our men." He stated as he remembered last week's events.

"Hey. Kamui's the one who gave me the weapon."

"You're right so go lay in his bed." 'That way he will get sick and not me.'

"...Carry me?" Jiangnu held her hands out, signaling for Abuto to pick her up and carry her to the other room.

"You can still walk."

"Stingy bastard..." Jiangnu muttered to herself as she rolled out of the bed and began walking across the ship, constantly bumping into Yato until she found herself in front of the now Admiral's room.

"Kamui~. Abuto-nii-sama told me to come to your room so you can take care of me." The Chinese girl walked into Kamui's room, throwing the door open but stopping it from making a loud bang when she realized he was asleep. "Aw...you're still sleeping." she asked, walking closer to the sleeping body.

"WAKE UP BITCH!" Jiangnu screamed, jumping on the big bed, right on Kamui's body.

The alien boy quickly woke up and put the Empress in a tight choke hold before saying, "You shouldn't be jumping around when you're so sick Jiangnu. It may make you more sick."

"So will strangling me..." She managed as she felt her last breaths quickly leaving her.

"Why are you in my room?" Kamui asked, removing his hands from her throat.

"Well you see..." Jiangnu began, looking up to the dark ceiling for no reason in particular, "Nii-sama told me to make you take care of me since you got me sick."

"So he _did_ see me." Kamui muttered to himself quietly.

"See you what?"

"Well then why-"

"SEE YOU WHAT!?" She repeated louder this time which caused her to start coughing.

"Lay down on my bed before I kill you."

"Ohohoho on top as usual I see." Jiangnu laughed, slowly reclining back until her head met the pillow

"Of course."

"So can you go make me a sandwich? I'm kind of hungry." She asked, patting her slim hand on her stomach.

"What would you like on it?"

"...Are you serious? You really will make me a sandwich?" The girl slightly sat up as she stared into the smiling face.

"It's the least I could do since I did get you sick." Kamui replied, pushing the girl back down on the bed.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me: SEE YOU WHAT!?"

"What would you like on your sandwich?" The newly appointed Admiral changed the subject.

"Toasted bread, mayonnaise, tomato, lettuce, bacon, and eggs. Like a boss."

"Okay I'll be right back." He happily stated, walking out of the room.

**Ten Minutes Later**

"Here you are Jiangnu." Kamui smiled, handing the sick girl a stacked sandwich placed on a white plate/

"Oh~ it looks so good." Jiangnu smiled, taking in it's aroma.

'Of course itdoes since I used bread that went bad last week, month old lettuce and tomatoes and burnt bacon and a black egg.' "I used the best ingredients I could find." the boy lied through his perfect teeth, watching the girl take a bite of the food.

"It, um, tastes like shit." She stated, examining the old sandwich with caution, smelling it once more.

"Really? I'm pretty sure I would rather that over your fried rice any day."

"Still bringing that up, I see."

"I always will."

Jiangnu then continued to eating her food with contempt. She did, however, stop and speak when she noticed Kamui eying her with surprise. "What? When food is in my face I won't ignore it." She stated, taking another big bite.

"You really are a fat ass." He smiled as he realized how disgusting this girl really was.

"You too Kamui." replied by the Chinese empress once she swallowed her final bite and handed Kamui the empty plate. "Thank you for the food~. Ugh. My fever's coming back." She sighed as she placed her left palm over her warm forehead.

"Hmm? Let me see." Kamui leaned towards the girl and lightly placed his forehead against the girl's and locked eyes. Jiangnu felt what seemed like all the blood in her head drain as her right arm met the Admiral's left cheek.

"...I am so sorry. If you don't kill me, I promise to love you forever and ever." She repeatedly apologized, covering her mouth with both of her hands.

"Well, your punch _was_ weak...but I still have to punish you."

"NOOOOOOOO!"

"Ryoko-sama to the rescue~." Ryoko screamed, barging into the room, first-aid kit in hand. The woman stopped in her spot when she saw the younger Chinese female laying on her stomach, face buried into the pillow, and Kamui standing on her back.

"Aw. Just as the fun was starting." He whined, jumping off of the girl's back and standing in front of Ryoko.

"Kamui, you fucked up child, I'll take care of Jiangnu for the time being." The space pirate stated, pointing her kit towards the sick girl.

"But I was the one who got her sick."

"What did you do?" Ryoko narrowed her blue eyes as she tried to ask that over Jiangnu screaming 'SEE YOU WHAT!?'

"Well then I'll be going now." The Yato boy patted the woman on the right shoulder as he walked out of the room.

"Huh. I don't know how long you've been living here, but I commend you on still being alive." Ryoko muttered to the bedridden girl as she walked towards the bed.

"Actually, everyone on the ship is really nice to me. I originally came on the ship because I was living-"

"Bro. Didn't ask for your life story."

"But I did."

"No one cares about you though."

"Ryoko-san, Shinsuke-san is looking for you. He says if you don't come back soon, he'll shave off your hair again." A woman with bright red waist length hair under a white and blue sailor cap with a small flower growing from it knocked on the door. She was dressed in a purple ninja uniform and her mouth was covered with black cloth. The woman's green eyes switched from Jiangnu to Ryoko.

"Alright Shaylee, I'll be right there." The pirate replied as she rose from the bed and smoothed her uniform.

"You're already leaving me?" Jiangnu complained, grabbing onto the pink jacket to stop her from getting away.

"Takasugi is a big baby when he can't find me. I'll tell Kamui to come look over you again so don't worry." Ryoko sighed, thinking of her childhood acquaintance who forced her to do whatever he told her to do.

"Can't you get someone else?" The Chinese girl pleaded, feeling blood rush to her cheeks.

"What? You don't want to see Kamui?" Ryoko asked, interested in hearing her reply until the girl nodded back. "Dude, you're in his bed!"

"I know but earlier he put his forehead against mine to see if I had a fever and when his face got close to mine, I freaked out and punched him." Jiangnu explained while looking to the floor.

"You mean you got embarrassed?"

"I think..."

"So you like him?" The older woman finally suggested after exchanging looks with her follower.

The girl thought for a while about this suggestion before replying, "I never thought of Kamui as someone I like."

"Oh? Then let's test it out. Shaylee please call Kamui." Ryoko ordered, looking to the red haired female, who walked into the hallway and took a deep breath.

"ADMIRAL NINCOMPOOP COME TO YOUR ROOM!" Shaylee screamed at the top of her lungs before she walked back into the room.

"W-Why are you calling him? I'LL EXECUTE YOU TWO!" Jiangnu shouted, slightly sitting up from the bed.

"You called me?" The three women jumped at the cheery voice from the door way.

"Kamui!" The Space Pirate shoved her finger in front of the sick girl's face before ordering, "Press your forehead against Jiangnu's again."

"Can I kill her if she punches me again?"

"Of course~." Said in a happy voice while Ryoko thought in her head, 'Then I can become the main character of this story.'

"Okay." Kamui climbed onto the now blushing girl and pushed his forehead against the girl's once more.

"J-JIU MING! JIU MING!" Jiangnu screamed as she threw her left leg up until it crashed into Kamui's. Crotch, which did not phase him, as usual.**(AN: Chinese for 'Help me!')**

"Oh! A fatal blow!" Ryoko covered her mouth as she looked at Shaylee, who tried not to laugh.

"Ryoko-san. We should go to Shinsuke-san" The Ninja reminded since she did not want to be in the presence of a (hilarious~) death.

"You're right. I need to start working on my main character speech." The two older women turned toward the door and began walking out of the door.

"You'll make a great main character Ryoko-san."

"I love your sarcasm Shaylee."

"Why did you hit me again?" Kamui asked after hitting his head roughly on Jiangnu's head, still sitting on top of her.

"I hit you because you were too close to me Kamui-sama." She replied, clasping her hands in front her face.

"You never had a problem with me getting so close to you before."

"I...don't want to get you sick." Jiangnu answered after racking her slow-working brain for an excuse.

"That's why?"

"Of course..."

"That was a lie wasn't it?"

"...Yes."

"So why did you hit me? Are you going to be abusive toward your father now?"

"Maybe. I think I'll take a nap to help my fever." Jiangnu turned on her side once Kamui jumped off of her.

"Well then I'm going to leave you be."

"Wait, Kamui."

"What?" The Yato turned back to the girl, who was still laying faced away from him.

"Your bed is broken."

"I have some problems."

Once she heard complete silence after the door close, Jiangnu brought the dark covers up to half of her face, which she felt become hot. 'This bed smells of Kamui...Wait. How do I know what he smells like?' She thought, taking in the scent on the blankets. 'Oh yeah, because I'm always glued to his side like a leech.' The girl continued to accept the aroma until she felt herself drift off to a dream.

_Jiangnu found herself in a familiar place, which she eventually remembered as China. She looked in front of herself to see many people smiling at her and she noticed that she was dressed in the traditional red Chinese wedding dress._

_'I'm getting married?' She questioned, looking over the happy faces before asking herself, 'Who am I marrying?' She slowly craned her head to the left to see a larger figure and realized it was...Abuto 'No way. No way. No. Way. It's impossible for me to marry Abuto-nii-sama.'_

_Suddenly, someone grabbed her right hand and she snapped her head to the side to see that smiling face. 'Oh. I'm marrying Kamui.' she stated, examining the traditional wedding clothes on Kamui's slim body._

_'Wait. Is he going to kiss me?' Jiangnu asked as she watched Kamui lean into her own until their lips met. When the two parted, the Empress noted they had some how moved to a bedroom. The boy then-_

"Ming wake up." Jiangnu came back to consciousness and slowly opened her eyes upon hearing a voice calling her name.

"A-Abuto-nii-sama?" She felt tears produce in her grey eyes as she looked to Abuto leaning over her.

"Wait! Why the hell are you crying!?" The man took a few steps back as the tears fell from Jiangnu's eyes.

"I...I LIKE KAMUI!" The girl buried her face into the pillow after replied.

'I really want to laugh right now but it would be too out of character.' Abuto thought, keeping a straight poker face. "Really? How do you know?"

"Well, at first, Kamui put his face close to mine to see if I had a fever but I freaked out and punched him and he left," Jiangnu began, lifting her face from the pillow and looking to Abuto.

'LOL' "Okay..."

"then Ryoko suggested I liked him so she called him back in the room and made him put his face close to mine again and I kicked him in his pride. After that he suggested I'm going to be abusive towards him."

'I don't care if it's out of character, any one would find that hilarious.' The vice-captain nodded through his straight face, "So then how did you decide you like him?"

"Well I just had a dream where I married him." Jiangnu slowly stated, blushing.

"Ming, I'll be right back." Abuto turned to the door, walked out of the room, laughed his ass off, and walked back into the room as if nothing happened, "Okay I'm done."

'He's laughing at my misery,' The Empress slid off the bed and also walked to the door,"Well, I'm feeling better so I'm going to go walk." She stated.

"You mean 'going to go find Kamui.'" Abuto smiled, looking at the shorter girl.

"I may attack him again." DO. IT.

"So? He's the one who got you sick." Bitch deserved it.

"SEE YOU WHAT!?"

"What?"

"I don't know. That's been my main line for this chapter."

"Stop breaking down the fourth wall."

"Yes sir Ohtsuka Houchuu." Jiangnu saluted with an idiotic grin.

"If you lose reviewers, it's your own fault."

"Of course Abuto-nii-sama." She replied in a small voice, looking down.

Suddenly, the door opened, slamming into Jiangnu's face. Kamui looked at her with curiosity as she covered her now aching face."Oh? Are you feeling better?"

"K-Kamui!" The girl peeked through her fingers at the boy before replying. "Yeah, I'm feeling better. The nap really helped."

"The nap you took right after you kicked my family jewels?" Kamui asked with his regular innocent smile.

"Sorry about that..." Jiangnu looked back to the ground, her hands falling to her side.

"I don't forgive you."

"Come on Admiral." Wait a minute, what's that I hear? Is it possibly...Abuto defending his little sister? "She wasn't feeling well so she couldn't control her body."

"Is that so?" The Admiral looked to his subordinate and thought for a second. After a while, he smiled back to the Chinese girl and said, "Then, I'll forgive you if you punch and groin-shot Abuto as well."

Jiangnu looked to the taller man, who looked away from her."...Nii-sama?"

"No."

"Nii-sama?"

"No!" Abuto snapped, walking out of the room.

"LET ME KICK YOUR TESTICLES!" Jiangnu screamed, running after the older man.

"Don't let him get away," Kamui ordered, looking down the hallway at the two running, "he's a regular Usain Bolt."

Jiangnu looked back to the smiling boy, feeling her stomach become tingly, she decided in her head, 'I really do like Kamui.'

**Extra**

A couple days ago, Abuto walked into his room, only to see Kamui happily rolling around on his bed. "Admiral, what are you doing?"

The boy immediately stopped rolling and looked at the man, then replying, "...I'm bored."

"So then what are you doing?" The man pressed, walking towards the bed.

"I want to see why Jiangnu likes your bed so much." Kamui replied, sitting up.

Abuto sighed, remembering the few past nights' events before answering, "You already know why she likes it so much."

"And you experienced first hand how I break my beds." Kamui stated, placing his hand on the taller man's cheek. "I have feeling I'm going to break my bed tonight."

"How do you know when you'll have a nightmare?"

"I'm fly like that."

"Of course Admiral."

* * *

**Me: Longest chapter so far~.**

**Kamui: Are you proud of yourself?**

**Me:...I actually am.**

**Kamui: I'm proud of you too. But I do have an issue with me getting attacked twice.**

**Abuto: Yeah. It's horrible to get attacked in ONE chapter. People who get attacked EVERY chapter so far have it easy.**

**Kamui: Thanks for understanding.**

**Abuto: -_-**

**Me:...Beg please?**

**Abuto: No.**

**Kamui: Jiangnu~.**

**Abuto: Don't call her! Fine. Please favorite and review. Even if it is a small review, the author will appreciate it since you are letting her know you want to read more.**

**Me: Reminder~: I am back in school now so I may have problems updating every week. Again, sorry.**

**Kamui: Time for a challenge! Who can guess what I did to get Jiangnu sick. Who ever comes up with the best story will win and gets a hug from me.**

**Me: LIKE A BOSS.**


	6. Everyone has the potato phase

**Kamui: Gintama is owned by Hideaki Sorachi. The author takes claim to only her characters and jokes.**

**Abuto: The author doesn't want to talk today?**

**Kamui: She doesn't know what to say.**

**Abuto: She's useless.**

**Kamui: I know.**

**Me: What do you want me to say?**

**Kamui: That I'm the main character now and not Jiangnu.**

**Me: That will happen as soon as I update Eternal Warrior.**

**Abuto: Admiral, give that dream up.**

**Me: OKAY. I KNOW WHAT TO SAY! Sorry guys for the long wait. I wanted to update sooner, but during the week of August 26th, a hurricane was around so I didn't have power nor did I have internet so I couldn't update. Sorry guys. Also~ if anyone is wondering what Ryoko looks like, the link is on my profile. No, it is not my picture so I take no claim to it.**

Once Upon A China Girl

"Shi-nii-tan, what are you doing?" Jiangnu asked, staring at the one-eyed man with curiosity as his eye bored into the stary space in front of him.

"Don't call me that." Takasugi ordered, ignoring the girl's question.

"Shi-nii-nii?" She tried once more, only to be rejected again.

"No,"

"Shi-nii-chi?" A voice tried behind the two.

"Shut up Ryoko." Takasugi glared at the teal haired girl behind him who grinned happily.

"Shi-nii-chi, why won't you love me?" Ryoko questioned, clinging to the taller male's shoulder.

"You're an idiot. That's why," He snapped back, kicking her in the knee.

"...I see." She said in a hyperventilating voice while covering her left eye.

"I'll rip your throat out." Takasugi warned, thinking of how annoying this Amanto woman truly was. Why did he decide to bring her back again? Oh yeah, because he liked to make her life Hell.

"Then we'll be like Izaya and Shizuo in that one doujinshi." Ryoko smiled, pulling a random doujinshi out of her pink jacket pocket.

"Stop reading Matako's things." The band wit chief ordered with a sigh.

"Hey. I'm a die-hard Shizaya fan." The woman stated, flipping through the comic.

"I'm a die hard Kabuto fan." Jiangnu offered, feeling left out of the conversation. 'Who the hell are Izaya and Shizuo?' She wondered. 'Must be an alien thing...'

"Matako might have some doujinshis on that." Ryoko tapped her chin in an attempt to remember.

"...MATAKO-SENSEI!" Jiangnu screamed, running down the hallway, not knowing where she was going.

"Good job getting rid of her. For once you did something right." Takasugi sighed, feeling relieved as he felt the young girl run off.

"Yeah. That...was why I did that. Totally."

"Idiot."

"Ryoko-san." The two adults turned behind them to see Shaylee standing behind Ryoko, another comic in hand.

"What, Shaylee?" The space pirate asked, eying the book.

"Matako-san has told me to inform you that she has finished a new BansaiXShinsuke one." The ninja stated, handing the doujinshi to her higher-up.

Ryoko examined the cover carefully, taking in the neatly drawn picture. 'Well that's without a doubt my new favorite way to utilize a pool cue. Way to go Matako!' She thought happily, before glancing back to a glaring Takasugi.

"Read it and I will kill you." He growled as he watched the woman slowly turn to the first page.

"It's because you're the uke in it, huh?" She asked, waving the book in the taller man's face.

"I would never let that shitty music writer be on top of me." Takasugi snapped.

"Not according to this doujinshi...Shinsuke-chan." Ryoko snickered to herself before showing it to Shaylee, who then began to laugh furiously.

"Give me that." The man ordered, snatching the comic from her hands and scanning through it.

"MATAKO! HE'S READING IT!"

"NO SHINSUKE-SAMA! DON'T GO TO THAT SIDE!" Matako screamed from her room.

"You don't need this." Takasugi stated, placing the doujinshi in his kimono.

"HE'S KEEPING IT!" Ryoko informed, still yelling.

"SHINSUKE-SAMA!"

"MATAKO!" The space pirate replied, screaming down the hallway.

"SHINSUKE-SAMA!"

Takasugui sighed, listening to the two woman scream back to each other, knowing a headache would be evident sometime today. "Shaylee, go get all of Matako's things like this." He ordered to the ninja who nodded, replying with an "Okay, Shinsuke-san." and walked to the blonde woman's room.

Ryoko sent a dirty glare to the taller man thinking of how much of a dream-killer he really was. Instead of speaking her mind since she knew it would backfire on her, she settled on screaming "NINOMIYA-KUN!"

"SENSEI!" The 'Red Bullet' replied from her room, then began screaming incoherent words right before the green eyed ninja walked out of her room with a large pile of doujinshis in her hands.

"AZUSA!" The sea Amanto ran into her comrade's room in hopes of comforting her.

"JJ!" Matako sobbed as Ryoko wrapped her arms around her.

"Stop yelling." The one-eyed man ordered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Okay Shi-nii-chi," Jiangnu replied, reading a doujinshi. Picking up on the sense that someone was staring at her, the girl slowly craned her head up to the side, meeting Takasugi's olive green eye. "...Want to read this one? It's AbutoXKamui, and I know how you like these things." She offered, not caring to hide her disgusted stare directed at the man.

Sometimes Takasugi Shinsuke hated his life and wanted nothing more than to be a potato.

* * *

Later that night, Takasugi was relaxing, reading a book in his room, Ryoko sitting in the corner, when the two heard approaching foot steps.

"Shi-nii-chi!" Jiangnu smiled, slamming the door open and sitting in front of the bored man.

"Don't walk into my room whenever you want." Takasugi decided not to look at the girl and continued to read his book.

"But Hepatitis Takechi told me to come in here. I guess he was he was having a liver problem." the girl grinned, thinking of how smart she was for coming up with the most lamest jokes ever.

He sighed before saying, "Go away, I'm reading." Why was it always Takasugi who had the annoying people flock to him? You could spend an entire day on this question and you would reach the same answer every time: Takasugi Shinsuke just had horrible luck and always attracted an annoying crowd of people. Let's take a few moments to pity him.

The Chinese Empress leaned forward, trying to read his magazine, before questioning, "Is it porn?"

"No." Takasugi replied shortly, still not looking up from his book. 'Maybe if I just ignore her, she'll go away.' Sorry to break your heart, but Abuto's tried that tactic one too many times and it has yet to work for him.

"I don't believe." Jiangnu held out her hand in front of the samurai before saying, "Let me read it."

"This is for adults so you wouldn't understand it."

"No need to worry. Kamui's shown me a lot of adult porn so it would be nothing new." The black haired girl assured nonchalantly, hand still held out.

Takasugi contemplated whether to be disturbed by the fact that Kamui actually showed Jiangnu adult porn or annoyed by the fact that this girl was still set on the idea that he was reading porn. "I said this isn't porn."

"I call bullshit." she scoffed, crossing her thin arms covered by the baggy black sleeves over her chest.

"What do you want brat." The purple haired man sighed, noticing now that the girl was acting as if she needed to ask him something.

"Shi-nii-chi..." Jiangnu slowly began, sitting up straight and looking side to side, "is there someone you like?"

Before the man could answer, Ryoko, still in the corner, began laughing uncontrollably. Pointing to Takasugi, she shook her head as if to say, "Hell no." The woman repeated this cycle for a few times until her 'master' became fed up and threw his sheathed sword at her, knocking her out.

"I'm not interested in brats." Was all he said.

This earned him a sarcastic laugh from the younger female before she replied, "I'm not interested in people who only have one eye. I just wanted to know if you liked someone or not."

"Yeah there's someone I like," Takasugi stated with his usual unreadable poker face.

"Have you ever punched or kicked that person?" She inquired, looking from the floor to the taller man.

"I've done much worse to her, kid."

"Oh. A few days ago, Kamui put his head close to mine twice and first I punched him, then destroyed his baby-makers." Jiangnu said, looking down as she felt embarrassed thinking back to her actions at that time.

"You like the alien brat?"

"Y-Yeah,"

"Seems like you would have feelings for his vice-captain since you're always glued to his side."

"No, he's just my Nii-sama." Jiangnu stated, holding a hand up.

"Brat, you two look nothing alike."

"I bet your eyes looked nothing alike with you still had both..." the girl muttered, crossing her arms once more over her chest.

"How has no one killed you yet?" Takasugi wondered, patience thinning by every word she uttered.

"Kamui tried to kill me twice on my second day that I was on the ship." Jiangnu innocently smiled.

"Is that why you like him?"

At this question, the girl gave Takasugi the most stupefied look she could conjure before standing up, walking to the door and opening it. Before she walked out, she turned back to him and replied, "YOLO!" and walked out of the room.

At that moment, Takasugi Shinsuke realized something: He needed to figure out how to become a potato as soon as possible.

* * *

Once aboard the Harusame ship again, Jiangnu shook her head, thinking how people these days really lacked common sense.

"Jiangnu~." The Chinese girl watched as hands came from behind her and covered her slate grey eyes. "Guess who?" she heard the man's voice ask.

"...Raion?" She guessed, confusion clear in her voice.

"No."

"Ungyo?"

"You killed him, so no."

"Oh yeah, I forgot that. Then, Hepatitis Takechi."

"No."

"WHY!?"

"Once more chance to guess right or I'll kill ya."

"Okay, time to think." Jiangnu concentrated, letting the slightly girlish voice process in her head. "I know it! Kazama Chikage."

The girl let out a scream as she felt her body being lifted and thrown over a shoulder. "I'm sorry!" She screamed while flailing her arms and legs, "I remember your voice! I was joking Kamui!"

"Oh? So you did know it was me?" Kamui asked, looking back at the shorter girl.

"Yep. I just wanted to see what you would do." Jiangnu smiled, toying with the boy's orange braid.

Once the girl realized the situation she was in, she let the braid slowly fall from her hands, feeling her cheeks flare up. "Can you put me down now?" she asked, putting her hands on Kamui's shoulder and trying to push away from him.

"Why?" the Harusame Admiral inquired, staring at the girl.

"I don't want to be over your shoulder anymore." Jiangnu stated, looking down as she continued to attempt to push herself away from Kamui.

"Jiangnu, answer me something." The Yato ordered, smile fading as he looked forward.

"What is it?"

"Do you hate me now?" he asked, turning to look eyes with the shocked girl.

"What...do you mean?" Jiangnu also asked, confused by his question.

"Lately you've been avoiding me and not letting me get as close to you ever since you got sick, not that I mind." Kamui replied with a joking pout.

"Kamui, I don't hate you," the human stated, slightly smiling at the boy.

"Good," He smiled back, "because if you did start to hate me, I'd have to kill you."

"What are you two idiots doing?" Abuto asked, appearing out of no where, staring at his higher-up who still had Jiangnu over his shoulder.

"Having a heart to heart." Kamui replied with a smile.

"I can see that. What I want to know is why you have Ming over your shoulder." No one would care what you're talking about. They would just wonder why you have the Chinese Empress over your shoulder.

"Oh. I was going to kill her, but I decided against it."

"Is it because she told you she likes you?"

"...YOU BITCH!" Jiangnu screeched, cheeks turning red as she tried to get loose of Kamui in hopes of killing her beloved Abuto-nii-sama.

"Oh? You didn't tell him yet?" The blonde man asked, not caring to hide his slightly amused grin.

"I was working on it!"

"I'm sure screeching in his ear is going to help you."

"S-Sorry Kamui!" Jiangnu apologized, remembering where she was.

Kamui wrapped his arms around the girl's waist and brought her back to the floor. "Abuto," he said with a smile, "It isn't nice to joke around about loving someone and messing with a girl's heart. People die from that."

"Admiral..." Abuto and the young girl exchanged looks of disbelief as they walked towards each other and turned away from the blue eyed boy and began whispering to each other.

"Is Kamui that much of an idiot?" Jiangnu asked, looking up to the taller male.

"He's always been. I just think it's gotten worse ever since you came in." The vice-captain whispered back.

"Hey. Don't try to insult me." The China Girl glared, catching what he had said.

"I was insulting the author." Abuto stated, rolling his eyes.

Jiangnu stared at the older man, giving him an 'Are you fucking kidding me?' look before yelling, "Now YOU'RE breaking down the fourth wall!"

"My fans will accept it." He defended himself, keeping a straight face.

The girl looked at the serious man again before laughing like a mad man. "AHAHA! What fans!? You're have fewer fans than Hasegawa!" She managed, clutching her stomach as she continued to laugh.

"And you have fans?" Abuto countered.

"...I think." Jiangnu then looked around her environment before asking, "Nii-sama, am I loved?"

"Not by anyone on this ship."

"What are you two talking about?" Kamui inquired, popping his head in between the two.

"We're talking about how Abuto-nii-sama has no fans." Jiangnu offered, looking away from the slightly taller boy.

"I have lots of fans. I'm the only reason your readers are reading this story." Kamui smiled, silently bragging over how loved he was by the fans.

"Lucky you." Abuto and the Empress said together, annoyance written on their faces.

"And what was Abuto talking about when he said you liked me? Hmm, Jiangnu?" The Yato slightly pressed, playing with a small section of the girl's black hair.

"It's nothing Kamui..." Jiangnu lied, eyes falling to the floor. She felt relieved when she sensed Kamui walking away.

"Oi. He's leaving." Abuto informed, scratching the side of his face as he looked from Kamui to the now quiet girl, whose eyes bored into the ground. 'Somethings telling me I should leave...right now.' Oho~ too late One-Arm-san. Jiangnu clung to the man's stomach, still completely silent. 'Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.' Abuto pleaded to himself, eventually stopping when he felt the girl start to tremble and cry.

As Jiangnu continued to cry, Abuto stayed still, pondering what to do. 'Should...Should I comfort her? No, too out of character. Should I push her away? No, too tsudere.' He finally decided on patting the girl on the head. "It'll be okay Ming." he assured, looking away.

"You're right Nii-sama," the girl smiled to the taller man, still crying, "Crying over a guy makes me seem like one of those millions if heroines."

"You're more useless than those girls Ming."

* * *

**Me: =_= I destroy the already little respect I have for these characters.**

**Abuto: I'm aware.**

**Me: Then again, I never had even the slightest respect for Takasugi.**

**Takasugi: I will never have respect for you.**

**Me: NO ONE DOES.**

**Kamui: She's right, you know? **

**Me: Hey! At least you aren't the only one getting picked on Abuto, because we have Shinsuke-chan now.**

**Abuto: You'll still attack me the most.**

**Me: Of course~. Now beg.**

**Abuto: Review and favorite please. That's all.**


	7. Christmas Time Part One

**Okay, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this right. -gets on ground and bows- I humbly apologize for the long wait. The reason for this delayed chapter was that I had originally wanted to do a side chapter explaining mainly about Ryoko and Takasugi's relationship, but I decided against it and started a new chapter. Oh yeah, let's not forget that I also became sick to the point that anywhere I went, it felt like the room was spinning, but I'm all better now~. Also, for the reviewer who was asking I was plagiarizing Totoro504's Classified Information, we are actually best friends and she does review on this. I wouldn't consider this plagiarizing since I'm not claiming the jokes are mine, but to please you since you are a reviewer, all jokes portraying to Matako drawing doujinshi's are from Totoro504's Gintama facts. I take no claim to them. Love you. :D **

**Kamui: Why did you decide to write a Christmas chapter when we're in the beginning of September?**

**Me: That's because I was getting ready for school one day and randomly came up with 'Kamui the Orange Haired Yato' song.**

**Kamui: You're going to put that song in the chapter aren't you?**

**Me: Probably not. You can trust me...not~. Now disclaimer.**

**Kamui: Gintama is owned by Hideaki Sorachi so the author claims only her original characters and jokes, like the most serious character of the series wanting to be a potato.**

**Me: A lot of people found it funny...**

* * *

Once Upon A China Girl

It was Christmas morning that Abuto woke in a start and sat up from his bed. He looked around his silent room before he brought his hand to his face. "Something's going on." he spoke to himself once he realized Jiangnu hadn't come into his room the past night. Ever since that China girl realized she liked Kamui, she began acting different- more distant from Abuto.

The vice-captain chuckled to himself. It's not like he actually cared that she wasn't as close to him as she had been, nor had he missed her. Yeah, just seeing her and hearing her say seventy-three stupid things a day was enough. This time he sighed as he lay back on his bed, not realizing until this moment how comfortable his bed was, which he probably would have never noticed it had it not been for that communist leader taking claim to his bed every night. Abuto stopped his thoughts when he heard the closet's door next to his room open and close and feet padding towards his room's direction. 'Here she comes.' he groaned to himself silently.

A minute passed and nothing.

Another minute and still silence. Had she actually walked past his room without walking in to annoy him? 'Wait,' Abuto thought, eyes widening, 'What if these last three months were all just a dream and Ming never came on this ship?' Suddenly feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, the Yato man slid out of his bed and walked out of his room.

Oh yeah, and he tripped over a sleeping Jiangnu leaned against his door.

"Damn it." he sighed, now on the ground right next to the Chinese girl, who was slowly waking up. She opened her grey eyes and immediately yawned. "Here I thought you were finally gone." Abuto continued, standing up and examining the girl. Was she planning on coming to his room but fell asleep in the process? Now that he thought about it, that seemed like a probable outcome. Still, why didn't she come in his room last night. The blonde man looked up to the ceiling and let out a loud groan. Why was he so bothered by Jiangnu not stealing his bed space for a night? Was he possibly falling in love with her? Before something like that happened, Takasugi would have to admit that he was just keeping his bandages on to look cool and that his left eye worked perfectly.** (AN: My best friend and I come up with the dumbest things. =_=) **

"Abuto-nii-sama are you okay?" Jiangnu questioned, also standing up.

"Hmm? What do you mean?" The man asked, eying the girl.

"You groaned in displeasure," she replied before continuing, "Or is that how you groan when you have relations with Kamui?"

"I groan like that when I feel like shooting my brain." Abuto calmly answered, glaring inwardly at his mind. He finds it completely wrong the way he reacts nonchalant about those gay questions. Sure, these jokes haven't been made since chapter three, but he didn't even set her straight when she said that with such a serious face. Was he finally succumbing to his secret fantasies?

"Nii-sama," The black haired girl halted his thoughts, smiling brightly.

"What?"

"Merry Christmas." She grinned, bringing her hands from her back, which held a small black box.

"Oh. Thanks," He replied, taking the box from her and examining it. Was it going to explode in his face? No it's not possible that the China girl would have the patience to make a bomb or something that could blow-up. Giving up on that theory, he brought the box close to his ear and shook it, hearing the faint sound of a book. Curiosity slowly growing in him, he opened the box and looked straight at a book. "50 Shades Of Grey?"

"Yep. I stole it from Shi-nii-chi." Jiangnu said, still grinning. She then shook her head before stating, "I read it but it had nothing to do with the color grey. I am disappoint."

"Yeah..." How boring would a book about fifty shades of grey be? Then again, the better question would be: Why the hell did that author name the book what they named it?

"So then what did you get me?"

"Nothing." Abuto answered with an honest expression, starting to read the book.

"Go get me something before I break your knee." Someone was hanging around Kamui too much...

The vice-captain sighed, rubbing the back of his head before asking, "Well what do you want Ming?"

"Kamui."

"...Dead or alive?"

"Dead. If he's alive he'll resist me so I'm willing to get into necrophilia for him."

"Name something else you want."

"Hmm..." Jiangnu tapped on her chin, thinking hard before smiling and answered, "I want you, me, and Kamui to spend tonight together."

"Ming I'm gonna go. If you must know where I'm going, I'll be killing the Admiral."

"No~! I want to hang out with you two tonight. Please? Please? PUH-REASE!?" The Chinese empress begged, latching onto the man's leg. Just agree to this simple request or possibly lose another body part? A simple choice anyone could make without a doubt in their mind, but Abuto would rather lose a leg than hang out with a psychopathic Yato boy and a useless maiden in-love. He looked down at the girl, who was still begging desperately. The man let out a sigh, looking at the ground, knowing he would have to be a good guy.

"All right all right. We'll spend tonight together. I'll tell the Admiral to come later too." He gave in, getting the girl off of his leg and walking hall to make his higher-up agree to his part of the deal.

One second, Jiangnu was avoiding him and the next second she was begging to have a Christmas night with him. **(AN: Uhh...Abuto she also wants to spend it with Kamui. Let's not ignore him considering he's more important than you in this story.)** This girl was more confusing and more complex than most women older than her. Imagine if she was Mary-Sue, then all hell would raise loose like there was no tomorrow. Abuto stopped his inner complaining upon reaching his Admiral's room, guessing he wasn't asleep since he couldn't make out any sounds from the room.

"Oi. Wake up you no-good Admiral." He ordered, walking into the dark room. The blonde man heard slight movement from the bed, then sighing. "Awake now?"

"What a nice way of waking someone up on a Christmas morning, Abuto." Kamui sat up, loose orange hair spilling over his shoulders.

"Oh, I apologize," Abuto smiled sarcastically before continuing, "Would you like a nice breakfast to start your day? It _is_ the most important meal of the day after all."

"I actually am hungry, so I'll hold you up to that." The boy smiled. Bitch, when are you not hungry? He then examined his subordinate's troubled expression. "Judging by your face, it seems like you want to tell me something. Out with it so I can go back to sleep."

"Ming said she wants to spend tonight with us."

"She probably asked for something else. Just get her that."

"Then it would be considered an accepted homicide." Abuto muttered to himself, receiving a questioning glance from Kamui. "Ah, it's nothing Admiral, but I'm willing to bet you would rather be with her tonight than her becoming a necrophiliac for your colder-than-normal corpse."

"Well then, I guess we have no choice." The boy finally said, turning over in his bed in hopes of going back to sleep.

Sensing that he wanted to go to sleep, Abuto ignored that and decided to ask a question that was beginning to peak curiosity in him. "So Admiral, what did you get her?" He suppressed a laugh when he heard the orange haired boy squirm around in his bed.

"What?" Kamui asked after he finished his squirming.

"What did you get Ming as a Christmas present?" The blonde man repeated, a smiling forming on his face. He found it hilarious that Kamui had actually forgotten to get her something. **(AN: Abuto...you forgot too.)**

After a minute of dead silence, Abuto felt sky blue eyes staring at him before he heard a voice saying, "That's for later, along with your present Abuto." The boy's tone hinted that he had a sly smile on. Like hell he would forget something like a Christmas present for someone who was almost impossible to ignore.

"Admiral, I promise you when I tell you I will survive if you don't give me a present." The Vice-captain stated, now feeling more fear than when he held his present from Jiangnu.

"But I want to show my appreciation for you." Kamui? Have appreciation for someone that's actually helped him countless times? IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! Feeling he was on the brink of falling asleep, the Yato Admiral informed his subordinate he was going back to sleep, which he immediately did, snoring loudly.

'That kid's snores sound like an elephant being strangled to death.' Abuto thought to himself once he closed Kamui's door behind him. He looked around the hallway which was populated with five or six Yato talking amongst themselves. 'It _is_ the Admiral, so it's not possible that he would have gotten her something meaningful. Probably just deodorant or something stupid. Knowing her, she'd be the happiest person no matter what he got her, from the heart or not. At least I'm giving her something she wants.' There it was again, he noticed, those annoying thoughts about Jiangnu. Shaking his head, the older man passed the thoughts off as just regular concern, which still surprised the shit out of him.

* * *

The day passed moderately fast for a Christmas day as night quickly approached the ship. How the hell do people on space ships know what time it is? They guess. One minute it will be five in the afternoon then next minute it will be three in the morning. DAT ALIEN LOGIC!

"I want a zombie apocalypse. Then I could beat little zombie children with golden shovels while white people hold them down."Jiangnu said, an evil smile plastered on her face. She, along with Abuto and Kamui, sat in a room with a C shaped sectional sofa, a small circular table in the middle.

"You get more and more fucked up every day Ming." Abuto eyed the girl who was sitting across from her cautiously. No wonder she liked Kamui seeing as both were more mental than a high and drunk Gintoki.

"If there was a zombie apocalypse," The Yato boy began, looking from China girl to his vice-captain, "you two would be my shields who would happily sacrifice themselves for me."

"No." the 'shields' said together after exchanging unwilling looks. Like Kamui would actually require people to protect him from undead humans. If he has food waiting for him, he can accomplish anything, even touching his toes.

"If there was a zombie apocalypse, I would join the zombies so I could kill all the idiots in the world and not be persecuted." The blonde man sighed, leaning back into the couch.

"Abuto, we can kill who ever we want in the world because we live in space." Kamui smiled.

"You're right." Jiangnu stated, tapping her chin as she began deciding who to kill first. "...Someone buy me a Death Note."

"Something like that is too dangerous. You'd have more of a chance finding a Death God and taking their own Death Note." The older man said, shaking his head. Knowing her, she would have the book filled up by the first hour of having it.

"...Ryuk? Where are you, baby? I got some apples for you." The Empress asked to the thin air, looking around the room.

"He's like me: too busy still laughing at Light's death." The Admiral smiled, remembering the hilarious death...and laugh. Oh come on! Who couldn't help but laugh at Light's psychopathic laugh? Yeah. That's what I thought!

"Admiral, everyone is still laughing at Light's death." The one-armed man informed, throwing his arm behind the couch. He switched his view from the happy Jiangnu, to the smiling Kamui, to the empty ceiling.

Something told Abuto this was going to be a hellish Christmas evening like no other.

* * *

**Me: So it would seem I've twisted my ankle again...**

**Kamui: You take the title "Useless Author" to a new level.**

**Me: Baby I know~. Okay guys, so this is going to be a two part chapter, Chapter 8 being the second part. I know I could just finished it in all one long chapter, but I just REALLY wanted to upload a new chapter so I wouldn't keep you all waiting. Oh yeah, **"I want a zombie apocalypse. Then I could beat little zombie children with golden shovels while white people hold them down." **I actually had a dream of that. The kid looked hella weird.**

**Kamui: Now beg Abuto~.**

**Me: YEAH. You did a horrible job on the last chapter and I didn't get as many reviews so do an amazing job this time!**

**Abuto: Please favorite and review. When the author gets emails and sees that some one has just favorite or followed the story and not reviewed, she dies on the inside. Long-ass review or a review shorted than the Admiral will be much appreciated.**


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